HeavyRainIsFalling on DeviantArthttps://www.deviantart.com/heavyrainisfalling/art/Who-Am-I-287917013HeavyRainIsFalling

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Who Am I?

Published: Mar 1, 2012

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_{Well I'm not really sure on this one, but I thought it was interesting so I'm posting it I'll probably attempt something like this again soon, I'm just not certain on it, so I guess I'll consider it a concept. I HATE the fact my chin isn't in the photo -.- I don't think its that good imo.

Who am I? In recent terms I've asked myself that quite a lot, and I kind of think the image here represents the feeling. That feeling of not knowing who you are.

I remember saying to my Mum that I wanted a pair of Marilyn Manson lenses that I found on the internet on a site called 9mmsfx, which cost over £200, as they were hand made for my vision. I couldn't afford it of course, so when she was getting disability living allowance she bought them for me, splitting halves with my Dad, just out of the blue saying "I want to get them for you" and she did, and these are those lenses. She didn't have to, she just did.

Thank you Mum, I love and miss you so much

Btw I am not trying to impersonate Manson, 'tis merely inspiration

Edit: Allow me to explain the image in more detail, so other people do not think I did this for purely vain or narcissistic reasons. That is not who I am.
My idea for a self portrait initially was to have something quite strange and gothic in nature, perhaps haunting or dare I say, evil. Something with a more malevolent nature. And it was hard. I went all around my house, trying to get the right lighting, which wouldn't work out, and the focus on the camera wasn't cooperating. I was having an extremely bad day, and realised that the effect I wanted was not going to happen. Naturally I gave up and decided to checked the photos I did have, this was the only one I liked out of about 30 trys. The other image I liked where I got the evil expression right, was too blurry. I realised that I could see something in the image, something that represents the way I sometimes feel which I did not realise when shooting.
The eyes (lets not think of them being just Manson lenses) to me represent some form of confusion within the mind. The image itself, makeup, eyes and nails represent thinking that you are someone else, who you probably are not, someone you perhaps don't want to be and someone you don't understand. The hands placed as they are, I feel, show someone who is trapped within their own mind. Expression and attitude wise, personally, I see that confusion, and I see that fear, within a subtle expression, and yet I can still see that dark hint to it that I tried to achieve initially. Personally I do not see any inkling of showing an egotistical attitude, and furthermore I do not understand how anyone can come to that conclusion.
When going through this period of "not knowing who you are" confusion, fear and dark thoughts are very prominent. I tried extremely hard at the time to stay clear and level headed, but most of the time that was difficult for me to do, and I see that in this photo. I am still going through this process.
If when you initially see the image that you think I did this for egotistical reasons then I am sorry you feel that way but that was not my intention. I did not mean to give off such an impression. I mean no malice when writing this, and do not direct it at anyone in particular, it is for more or less everyone to see. I just want to make things clear. Please try not to automatically assume just by seeing this image that I must be a certain way. I have reasoning behind my work most of the time, and after all its just a photo. It is explaining how I feel, not who I am. Trust me I am a down to earth weirdo *JackSparrow4ever will tell you that
Even when I had no reason behind shooting, I did not do it because I thought I looked good, I did it to try something different.
I take no offense if you do feel that way, but I really hope you don't, and that you will understand. Thank you.

Photographer: *HeavyRainIsFalling
Model: *HeavyRainIsFalling
Post production editing: *HeavyRainIsFalling
Edited in: Adobe Photoshop CS5 Extended Edition

Photograph © *HeavyRainIsFalling
YOU ARE NOT AUTHORISED TO USE MY WORK IN ANY WAY WITHOUT MY PERMISSION, PLEASE RESPECT MY POLICY, THANK YOU.}